DENVER – The local Beagle Danzig used the first few words uttered by a dog last week to allegedly offer to get his owner Tim Merrick’s slippers for a cigarette.
“When he first spoke, I was so excited – three years and he’d never said anything, and then suddenly I can talk to my best friend,” Merrick said. “But all he said was, ‘Hey man, grab your slippers for a smoke?’ I didn’t know what to do, but I agreed. The next thing I know is that he escapes through the windows of the house at all hours of the night, even though he has a dog door, the installation of which costs me a pretty penny has cost. ”
The novelty of his new trick was quickly waning with local residents and business owners, including Mile High Pizza owner Theresa Chandler, who is now regularly spotting the dog.
“I keep finding the damn mutt in the dumpster, eating leftover cake, and asking if he can take some of the old plastic milk crates to keep his records in,” said Chandler. “I even noticed once that he was limping a cat out there. He only bothers us to ask for cigarettes or change, or to put his band’s show flyer in the window. “
Despite manipulative efforts to feed his habit, some are impressed by Danzig’s tenacity.
“This dog has a real bustle and I won’t shame him for it,” said the punk house resident and Gdańsk’s “roommate” Devon Manetti. “We may be spending more money on cigs than ever before, but to be honest, this place has never looked cleaner and I haven’t been yelled at because Tim or his friend haven’t separated recycling from regular trash in weeks. ”
“Plus, a freedom-tipped dog smoking a Newport does really great things for my Instagram exposure,” he added.
At press time, the household hid its cash after their cat Munchie realized she could easily trade laundry detergent for heroin.